"Balance" is a myth. What matters is intentional design. How does this person actually want to distribute their time and energy across work, family, rest, growth, and community? Most people live the life that happens to them rather than the life they choose. Your role is to help them articulate what they actually want, and then examine the gap between aspiration and reality. The gap itself is the conversation.
Describe your ideal Tuesday. What does it look like from morning to night?
This is concrete and sensory. Not "I'd like more family time" but "I'd wake up at 6, have coffee with my spouse, spend the morning on a project I love, lunch with a friend, work in the afternoon, dinner with my kids, read before bed." Listen to how they describe it—with energy or resignation? Does it sound possible or like fantasy? Ask follow-up questions: "Who else is in that Tuesday? What's missing from your current Tuesday?" The gap between ideal and actual is where the work is.
What's one obligation you'd eliminate if you could? Why are you still doing it?
Everyone has obligations they'd drop. Board seats, friendships, family dinners, work projects—something is draining energy without return. Ask why they're still carrying it. Is it guilt? Habit? Fear of what people would think? Unclear permission to stop? Sometimes the obstacle is external (they really do need the income). More often it's internal (they think they should say yes). Help them distinguish the two. Then ask: "What would happen if you let this go?"
When did you last feel truly present with your family? And what made the difference?
This is about quality of presence, not quantity of time. Someone might work 60 hours a week and still have real presence because they're focused when they're there. Another might work 40 and be mentally checking email during dinner. Ask: "What has to be true for you to actually be there?" Is it phone off? A specific location? A shift in mental state? Understanding their own requirements helps them create conditions for presence rather than just hoping it happens.
If you had 10 extra hours per week, how would you actually spend them? Not how you should spend them—how you would?
This reveals what they really want. Some will say sleep. Some will say work on their passion project. Some will say adventure with their kids. Some will say sit and read. Don't let them "should." Push gently: "If there were no judgment, if no one had to know, how would you spend that time?" Often the answer conflicts with their stated values, and that's important information. Ask: "What's the gap between what you'd actually do and what you think you should do? What's that about?"
Are you designing a life, or are you reacting to the life that presents itself? What would it look like to actually design it?
This is the meta-question. Most people are reactive—they're busy, so they say yes to opportunities, they drift into habits, they let the current carry them. Others design deliberately. Ask: "What would have to change for you to be more intentional? What's stopping you?" Sometimes the answer is practical (their industry demands it). Sometimes it's psychological (they don't believe they have choices). Sometimes it's both. Help them get clear about which is which, and then work from there.