← Back to Guides
Moderator Discussion Guide
The Values Inventory
This assessment is a reckoning—an honest audit of the gap between claimed values and lived values. Most people carry a set of values they aspire to but don't fully embody. This assessment invites participants to examine that gap without shame and to understand what's really driving their choices. Your role is to help them move from abstract ideals to concrete evidence, and to explore the obstacles between intention and action.
PROMPT 1
Name three values you claim to hold — now give evidence from the last month that you lived them.
This is disarming and illuminating. Many participants will struggle to find recent evidence. That gap is not failure—it's data. Listen without judgment. Some values are aspirational; others are active. Help them distinguish. The conversation often becomes: which values am I really living, and which do I wish I were living?
PROMPT 2
When two of your values conflict, which one wins?
Everyone has value conflicts: loyalty vs. honesty, ambition vs. presence, generosity vs. self-care. Participants often have never named their hierarchy. In moments of crisis or choice, their real values emerge. Help them explore a recent conflict and notice which value they chose to honor—that reveals their true priority.
PROMPT 3
What value do you admire in others but struggle to embody yourself?
This is revealing. The values we admire in others but can't manifest ourselves often point to fear, trauma, or competing priorities. Someone might admire boldness but fear failure; admire generosity but fear scarcity. Help them explore what's underneath the gap.
PROMPT 4
How have your values shifted in the last decade, and what caused the shift?
Values evolve through experience, loss, and growth. Some shifts are intentional; others are unconscious. Did a major event change their priorities? Did they lose faith in something they once held dear? This question often surfaces grief, wisdom, or unfinished reckoning.
PROMPT 5
If your calendar and bank statement were audited, what values would they reveal?
This is the ultimate reality check. Time and money are the two resources that reveal true priorities. The gap between stated values and where someone actually invests their time and money is often glaring. This question is uncomfortable and powerful. Allow the discomfort—it's often where growth begins.
Tips for the Moderator
- This assessment invites self-judgment. Create explicit permission for participants to be imperfect and in process.
- Many will feel shame when the gap appears. Help them see it as useful data, not failure. The gap is where intention and action can align.
- Values are not static. Help participants resist the temptation to "fix" themselves and instead explore why the gap exists—what fears, beliefs, or circumstances are in the way.
- Watch for defensive rationalization. Some will explain the gap away rather than sit with it. Gentle curiosity—"Tell me more about that"—often opens reflection.
- End this conversation by asking: Which one value, if you lived it more fully this month, would most change how you feel about yourself?