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Moderator Discussion Guide
Relationship Capital
This assessment explores the depth and intentionality of the participant's relationships. Relationship capital represents the quality of connection, trust, and mutual investment in the people who matter most. Use this guide to help participants examine whether their closest relationships are nourishing them and whether they're investing in the relationships that deserve it most.
PROMPT 1
Who are the five people you spend the most time with, and are they the right five?
This question invites quick reflection but often surfaces discomfort. Listen for hesitation or contradiction. If someone names people they spend time with out of obligation rather than choice, gently probe: "Do those relationships energize you, or do they drain you?" The goal isn't judgment—it's awareness. Some people discover they're spending time with people who don't reflect their values.
PROMPT 2
What relationship have you let atrophy that you most regret?
This often surfaces vulnerability. People may mention friendships that drifted or family relationships that grew distant. Don't rush to "fix" it—the point is reflection, not solutions. Ask: "What was it about that relationship that you valued?" and "What would it take to rekindle it?" Sometimes the answer is clarity that the relationship has naturally ended; that's okay too.
PROMPT 3
How do you distinguish between transactional and genuine relationships in your life?
This is a thinking question. Let silence sit for a moment—many people haven't articulated this before. Listen for how they describe genuine connection: shared vulnerability, reciprocal support, no scorekeeping. Some may realize they've conflated networking or professional relationships with friendship. That's valuable insight. Ask: "Which relationships in your life have that genuine quality?"
PROMPT 4
Who would you call at 2am — and who would call you?
This gets at real trust. If someone struggles to name people who would call them, that's important data. If they have people to call but no one who would call them, there's asymmetry worth exploring. Don't make them feel bad about it—instead, ask: "What would it take for you to build relationships where there's that level of mutual trust and interdependence?"
PROMPT 5
What relationship investment would make the biggest difference in your life right now?
This is forward-looking and action-oriented. Some may name a family relationship, a friendship, a partnership, or even a mentorship. Once they identify it, ask the follow-up: "What's stopping you?" The answer reveals whether it's a time issue, an emotional barrier, or something else. Often people know exactly what would help but haven't prioritized it.
Tips for the Moderator
- Relationships are deeply personal. Create psychological safety by normalizing the reality that not all relationships work, and that's human.
- Watch for people who describe themselves as "too busy" for relationships. That's often a symptom of misalignment with values, not truly being too busy.
- Resist the urge to give relationship advice. Your role is to ask good questions, not solve their problems.
- Some people conflate being alone with being lonely, or being surrounded by people with being connected. Help them see the difference.
- If someone gets emotional, pause and acknowledge it. Strong emotional responses often signal that this assessment is doing its job.
- End by asking: "What's one relationship you want to strengthen in the next 90 days?" This creates accountability and possibility.